Random Thought 02
Wednesday, June 20, 2012 @ 10:16 PM
| 0 notes
Random Skins gif because Effy Stonem is gorgeous and will therefore make my blog appear gorgeous too.JUST LOOK AT HER. She's so pretty asdfghjkl ;__;
Anyway, I've got two very irrational fears that have become kind of like my phobia. Normal people I suppose fear the dark (Sometimes I do too), heights (LOVE EM) ,spiders (HATE EM) and weird stuff like clowns or shark-infested seas. I guess my phobias are unique. Or not. Here are the two things that keep me awake 'til five in the morning/ are my biggest nightmares :
1) Losing a loved one
This keeps me up til five in the morning wishing I had sleeping pills T.T It genuinely does worry me to no end.I don't know, it's just that life is so vulnerable and people keep dying everyday thanks to a bus or a lorry or a collapsed tree. Just pick up a newspaper and all sorts of depressing stories await to depress you. These dead people are somebody's loved one. A mother, father, sister or brother. Someone who means a lot. And I can't help but be worried for my dad when he drives off to work. Anything can happen. Or when he goes for a run. I've heard so many stories of people who are young and fit who just collapse and never wake up. It's frightening. I worry when my mom goes out to the grocery store or something. Like I said, anything can happen.Accidents happen when you least expect it to. And my mom being ill dosen't help soothe my nerves at all. Sigh. My biggest fear is for someone I love, go before me. I wish for my parents to live long years but I don't want to be there to witness their funeral. I just can't. I want to die young. I don't think I'll be able to bear the pain of losing them. It would be a lot easier to go first.
Sigh.
2) Being judged.
No thanks to certain people, I have become weight conscious, face conscious and actions-conscious. I keep feeling like people are watching my every move and are looking for some flaw in me to hate me for. I feel like people find me an easy person to hate. I have got the lousiest personality ever and gahh. I just feel like I'm constantly being judged. And in many ways I feel very insecure. It's like someone's going to pop out and say "Damn, why you so fat" or "Why are you so awkward" or "Why are you so introverted". Because I've had such questions asked to me and the possibility of them coming back to haunt me is not a zero, right? On a sidenote, it is tiring to be insecure. Sometimes I cry at my reflection, not gonna lie haha. Or you know, just stand in front of the mirror and be upset that I'm not flat-tummied and promise I'll go on a diet before diving into a bag of chips five minutes after. That has become my life.I just want to be happy with the way I look, you know:(
So please don't think nasty thoughts about me because I'm always thinking nasty thoughts about me and thinking that other people are thinking nasty thoughts about me.
Sigh.
I know what you're thinking now. I've got issues. Please don't unfriend me though haha.
Okay i'm sorry for being all weird.
~posting this tonight 'cos I'll be overseas tomorrow. Lol i'll just be at Malaysia. I'm kind of celebrating my birthday in advance at Nandos and maybe going to catch movie after that. Tbh birthdays have lost their sizz. I'm not even excited.. Oh and I changed my blog's color scheme and it still looks like a cupcake. Grey looked to bleah and dreary so I had to go for yellow. Because happy people like the color yellow. I think.Ok bye bye thanks for reading x
Labels: Random thought 02
Random Thought 02
Wednesday, June 20, 2012 @ 10:16 PM
| 0 notes
Random Skins gif because Effy Stonem is gorgeous and will therefore make my blog appear gorgeous too.JUST LOOK AT HER. She's so pretty asdfghjkl ;__;
Anyway, I've got two very irrational fears that have become kind of like my phobia. Normal people I suppose fear the dark (Sometimes I do too), heights (LOVE EM) ,spiders (HATE EM) and weird stuff like clowns or shark-infested seas. I guess my phobias are unique. Or not. Here are the two things that keep me awake 'til five in the morning/ are my biggest nightmares :
1) Losing a loved one
This keeps me up til five in the morning wishing I had sleeping pills T.T It genuinely does worry me to no end.I don't know, it's just that life is so vulnerable and people keep dying everyday thanks to a bus or a lorry or a collapsed tree. Just pick up a newspaper and all sorts of depressing stories await to depress you. These dead people are somebody's loved one. A mother, father, sister or brother. Someone who means a lot. And I can't help but be worried for my dad when he drives off to work. Anything can happen. Or when he goes for a run. I've heard so many stories of people who are young and fit who just collapse and never wake up. It's frightening. I worry when my mom goes out to the grocery store or something. Like I said, anything can happen.Accidents happen when you least expect it to. And my mom being ill dosen't help soothe my nerves at all. Sigh. My biggest fear is for someone I love, go before me. I wish for my parents to live long years but I don't want to be there to witness their funeral. I just can't. I want to die young. I don't think I'll be able to bear the pain of losing them. It would be a lot easier to go first.
Sigh.
2) Being judged.
No thanks to certain people, I have become weight conscious, face conscious and actions-conscious. I keep feeling like people are watching my every move and are looking for some flaw in me to hate me for. I feel like people find me an easy person to hate. I have got the lousiest personality ever and gahh. I just feel like I'm constantly being judged. And in many ways I feel very insecure. It's like someone's going to pop out and say "Damn, why you so fat" or "Why are you so awkward" or "Why are you so introverted". Because I've had such questions asked to me and the possibility of them coming back to haunt me is not a zero, right? On a sidenote, it is tiring to be insecure. Sometimes I cry at my reflection, not gonna lie haha. Or you know, just stand in front of the mirror and be upset that I'm not flat-tummied and promise I'll go on a diet before diving into a bag of chips five minutes after. That has become my life.I just want to be happy with the way I look, you know:(
So please don't think nasty thoughts about me because I'm always thinking nasty thoughts about me and thinking that other people are thinking nasty thoughts about me.
Sigh.
I know what you're thinking now. I've got issues. Please don't unfriend me though haha.
Okay i'm sorry for being all weird.
~posting this tonight 'cos I'll be overseas tomorrow. Lol i'll just be at Malaysia. I'm kind of celebrating my birthday in advance at Nandos and maybe going to catch movie after that. Tbh birthdays have lost their sizz. I'm not even excited.. Oh and I changed my blog's color scheme and it still looks like a cupcake. Grey looked to bleah and dreary so I had to go for yellow. Because happy people like the color yellow. I think.Ok bye bye thanks for reading x
Labels: Random thought 02
